Sorry

No, I haven't forgotten about this page. I've just been really busy. I will be back! Hopefully very soon. Work, man, always cutting into my sitting around time. I've decided to do Elvira, Mistress of the Dark for my next movie. I don't think anyone can dispute the Awesomely Bad-ness of this particular selection. But oh how I love it. (As a kid I pretty much wanted to be Elvira.) Hmmm. Perhaps it's her influence that's led me here, mocking the movies I love and loath the most. (Though mostly love.)

Bruce Campbell Forever

Now the debate over how Awesomely Bad this movie is, has raged since the day it came out. I'm of the party that believes it's simply Awesome incarnate, but then that's just me (and thousands and thousands of fellow loyal fans). And so, now, I will tell you about one of my favorite movies of all time. Army of Darkness. If anyone were to quote any part of this movie to me, we would become insta-friends. Even if you called me a primitive screw-head. I would be your BFF. Seriously.

This is technically the third movie in a trilogy but it's not necessary to see the previous two. By all means do, but you don't have to. Our hero is Ash, who with a couple of friends goes to a empty cabin in the woods. Where they find a book. An evil book. (Please insert creepy music.) Being stupid teenagers/early twenties horror movie characters, they read the book aloud. (You know the book that appears to be bound in human skin, and is seemingly written in blood. Yeah. That book.) Then people get possessed, they die, come back... you know the usual. Ash's hand get possessed so he cuts it off ( I'd like to point out this movie came out way before Idle Hands, thank you very much.) with a chainsaw. Then he gets sucked into a vortex. Mind you all of this happened in the first and second movies. But you get a nice recap at the beginning. Army of Darkness starts with him coming out of the vortex, into the (dun dun Duh) past! He has to stop the hordes of Deadites from getting their rotting hands on the Necronomicon (aka the evil book) and destroying the world.
So basically we're doomed. Because all Ash is really concerned with is getting back home, and maybe getting a little something (wink wink, nudge nudge) on the side. Really watch this movie if you've never seen it. I can't emphasize this enough. It could change your life!... I'm not sure how but, you know, maybe. If you have seen it, watch it again and think of me. And always, always, always! Hail to the king, Baby! Bruce Campbell forever.

NERDSSSSS!!!!

Since I'm being lazy I think I'll move this one over too. Everyone's seen Revenge of the Nerds right? And all
of it's subsequent sequels? Actually don't bother with the sequels, not worth the time or effort. Unless you're just one of those people who has to finish things. Compulsive finisher. Weirdy.
Anyway for those who haven't seen it, RotN is about these two geeky (and super pasty) best friends Gilbert and Lewis who have just started college. They think everything is going to be different, no longer will they be looked down on for being academically minded. They're in COLLEGE! (whooo!) Yeah, well, no such luck. They are hated and bullied by the jock Alpha Beta frat. After our lovable nerd's freshman dorm is burned down, they must find a frat to take them in or face living in the gym. (On cots. Ewww.) So after much searching they find Lambda Lambda Lambda, an all African-American fraternity. Mhmmm. (Remember the part about them being pasty?) Things are not looking too good for our nerds. They throw a party to prove to the heads of the fraternity that they have the swagger to be Lambda Lambda Lambda. It's a disaster due to meddling by the Alpha Betas, luckily the head of the Tri-Lams takes pity on our boys and they become official! Yay! Once they have their own frat, it's war! To take it to a whole other level Lewis develops a crush on head jock Stan Gable's girlfriend Betty (who's head of the Pi-Delta-Pi sorority). After a very memorable seen between Betty and Lewis (that I won't ruin for you but, I will say, you'll never look at Darth Vader the same way again.), Betty begins to see nerds in a whole new light. "Jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex." Gee I wonder why she has a change of heart? Let me see, a jock asshole who treats you like crap or the sweet (sex-obsessed) nerd who wants to, ummmm "service" you? Yeah. Right. That will take some thought. Not. By the end, the good guys (the nerds, for those of you not paying attention) succeed and the bad guys (the jocks) walk away in shame. So if you like to see the underdog win, this movie is for you. Or if you just like to see a lot of T&A then this is definitely the movie for you. It's not quite as bad as Porky's but it's close. "That's my Pi."

I Pity the Fool

I'd had this posted over at Geek Girl but I feel like it would be better appreciated here. So I'm moving it. Yay! Yeah I know it's lazy, so what.
It's dark and wonderfully stormy tonight. I'm thinking it's the type of weather for a horror movie. You know, something to really perk me up. Hmm. What shall it be? Oh! The People Under The Stairs! I have loved this movie since I was little. Kinda tells ya what kind of kid I was... You know, a weird one. It's a Wes Craven movie, so you know it's awesome. The story's about a kid named Fool who breaks into his landlord's house. On the surface it looks normal enough, it's everything a suburban house should be, the inside however is.... dark. See, there's the basement. The couple who live here  have been collecting young boys, trying to find the very best to call their son. Mom and Dad (are never given actual names. Just Mom and Dad. Strange.) have tried so hard to find a good son but these boys just keep letting them down. They've even tried a little home surgery to fix what they deem as the problem with each one. In Roach's case he talked back, so he had his tongue cut out. The other boys have been kept in the basement so long they've gone kind of... feral. They're barely human anymore. Chalk white skin, sunken eyes, and poor vocabularies! And no personal hygiene to speak of. (Boys! Sigh. Just because you're locked in a filthy basement is no excuse not to floss. Just saying.)

And this is the house Fool finds himself trapped inside, it's locked down like Fort Knox. The only way in or out is the front door and the back door, which are both bolted all of the time. When the couple discover Fool, the hunt is on. When he finds himself in the basement he kind of thinks the boys down there want to eat him. And they just might, if given half the chance.When he meets Roach he has a glimmer of hope. Roach has been roaming all around the house behind the walls for some time now. Mom and Dad are too big to fit there. But the emaciated teen and his new 12 year old friend fit just fine. Alice is Mom and Dad's only daughter, they only keep her around because she does what she's told. (When she doesn't they chain her up in the attic.) She tries to help Fool get out, and after a while Fool convinces her to get away with him. If she stays in that house Mom and Dad will eventually kill her. Or give her to her brothers in the basement. It's only a matter of time.