Rex Manning Day

Um, ok I know I said I was going to do one about space pirates but, well, I lied. Really, actually I just changed my mind, though I may do that at a later time. Instead I'm going to do Empire Records! I had forgotten how much I really like this movie.

Lucas has just been given a great opportunity to prove himself to Joe (his boss/father-figure). All he has to do is successfully close the record shop where they work, on his own. He's doing fine. Until he snoops in Joe's desk and finds details of a buyout, thus making independent Empire Records (yay!) into a corporate Music Town (boo!hiss!). So Lucas makes an executive decision. He takes the total earnings of the day ($9,000) and heads to Atlantic City. (Btw, damn! I should point out that this movie was made back, you know, when music actually made money.)  He blows it all on one roll of the dice. (Ouch.) The next day AJ and Mark head to the Empire to open, outside they run into Lucas (who is only now realizing the extent of his dumbassery). He tells them what he's done and (in case they ever wonder after he's been murdered by Joe) that he's always truly enjoyed their friendship. Then he hauls ass away because Joe has just arrived. Within minutes of being inside the store they get a call from the bank... then another from the owner of the store (Mitchell). It seems that the bank didn't get a deposit from Empire Records last night or this morning, strange yes? AJ and Mark try to play it cool, they don't want to rat out their friend, but immediately Mark starts sweating bullets. Joe (rightly) is freaking out. He searches his desk, the safe, even the cupboards thinking that maybe Lucas just forgot it there in the store. It is this moment that AJ wants to a have a man to man talk with Joe. See AJ is in love with Corey (who we'll meet momentarily) and he thinks today is the day to tell her. Right.

Joe, apparently, is an optimist. So he stalls. He tells Mitchell and the bank that it was just a mistake and that he'll deliver the money personally.... later...ish. In the meantime he needs to find Lucas. Right about now we meet Corey and Gina. Corey is the ultimate all-American girl, she gets good grades, is well liked and she's perky too! Gina is her slightly slutty sidekick, a short skirt and too much cleavage kind of girl. And they're about to clock in, but not before AJ gives them a rundown of whats been happening this morning, the unedited version (but pssst don't tell Joe). Mark is looking very edgy so Joe (who's still having a quiet and much deserved meltdown) puts the evil eye on him and Mark caves! Tells him exactly what went down, so Joe puts AJ on the task of tracking down Lucas, which AJ really doesn't want to do. Luckily he doesn't have to look far. Lucas is already in the store, he's decided to face the music.... and Joe. "Where's the money?" "Joe, the money is gone." "Yeah, I know it's gone... but where's it gone to?"  "Atlantic City." "Atlantic City?... Is it coming back from Atlantic City?"  "Oh, I don't think so, Joe."  "What's it doing in Atlantic City, Lucas?"  "...Recirculating." What's Joe to do? Call his boss back to tell him the money was stolen? Or... wait. Not really much of a choice there. He waits. Maybe Lucas needed the money? Maybe he was in trouble?

 It's about here that Deb arrives and she is the polar opposite of Corey. She's pierced, tattooed and (my favorite) hostile. She heads straight to the bathroom, where she stays for an alarming amount of time. Joe goes to his office to fret after threatening bodily harm to Lucas if he leaves the breakroom couch. The boys discuss what's going to happen, Lucas is creepily calm about everything he's downright zen. And now we finally see why Deb's been in the bathroom for so damn long, she's shaved her head. (Even nearly bald Robin Tunney is prettier then most girls. Sometimes life is just unfair. Sigh.) We also discover she's got a bandaged wrist. (Hmmmm. What could that mean?) AJ follows her into the store to keep an eye on her. Mark has wondered off to do.... something. Possibly having to do with work, or special brownies. Lucas is alone and he's been on that couch for awhile now. Like forever. He's not to leave the couch though, remember... but his butt is numb. So he takes a couch cushion with him into the store. (I mean, technically he hasn't left the couch. Right?) While on the sales floor helping customers, (such a good employee!) he spots a suspicious looking kid. Shoplifter! The kid takes off and Lucas gives chase, around and through the store. He finally manages to catch him and take him to the breakroom for safe keeping till the police show up. He tells them his name is Warren Beatty. They really seem to like calling him Warren. Alot.

 All of this simply could not have happened on a worse day for Joe. It's Rex Manning Day dammit! A pop star is going to be in the store signing autographs and his whole staff has lost it. Speaking of Rex Manning... guess who's just arrived?! And guess who Corey has been crazy in love (!obsessed!) with for year and years? (If you guessed Rex Manning you're right!) She plans to give her virginity to him today on Rex Manning Day. (Everyone all together now: EWWWW!!) The cops finally come to collect Warren, but he can't believe Joe is putting him away for a couple of cds when Lucas stole 9 grand! (Ugh!) It's here that we meet the final (important) Empire employee, Berko. (He's a musician. We know this because he seems to have his guitar on at all times.) He's looking for Deb. When he finds her (and her new haircut) he's rather concerned. Does this have anything to do with our breakup last night? Nope. Ok then. It seems everyone in the store at one point or another takes a turn trying to fix Deb. Meanwhile Rex Manning is signing for his fans... who've all seen better days, lemme tell ya. So blah blah blah... Corey is obsessing over throwing herself at Rex, AJ has given himself a time limit in which to tell Corey he loves her and it is fast approaching (1:37 to be exact), and Joe has finally gotten around to telling  everyone they're going to be doomed to corporate hell. They're going to be turned into a Music Town (boo!hiss!), thanks to Lucas. Joe's going to have use the money he's been saving to offer on Empire (and you know save it) to cover what Lucas spent.

So Corey makes her play for Rex and is brutally rejected! Unbelievable! So she goes to the roof to have a good cry. AJ just happens to be up there to fix the sign (which for some unexplained reason has gone out) and he thinks its, like, fate that she came up to roof just then. Because it was getting really close to his cutoff time. She's just been dumped by her longtime (sorta) love, could they do this later? But he goes ahead and professes his undying love, Corey doesn't really want to hear it. Needless to say he's crushed. (Ouchies, my soul.) So Corey goes to lunch with Gina to take her mind off of things. It doesn't go well. Gina tells Corey she'll meet another guy she can boink. Corey informs her that she isn't like Gina, she can't just sleep with any guy to feel better. So Gina calls her an uptight prude and storms off. It's getting rather catty, isn't it? Now, if you were slutty and mad at your best friend and said BFF's long time crush was around... What. Would. You. Do? Seduce him in the "countdown" room, duh!  The whole store's staff has assembled outside the door once they've realized that Rex and Gina are MIA. (But seriously? Who's running the store?)  And wouldn't you know it, here comes Corey. What's everyone doing in front of this door? What's that strange noise? Gee, where's Rex? Hmm, where's Gina? And out walks Gina, followed by Rex, both looking very disheveled. (Personally I would've liked nothing better then an old school catfight, but no they just used their words.) Gina totally outs Corey as a closet speed freak (gasp!). She's been popping diet pills for ages! (OMG!) AJ does not use his words, instead he chooses to use his fists. He goes at Rex with everything he's got but he's quickly pulled off by Lucas and Joe. Rex uses this as an opportunity for a  total cheap shot. Gives poor AJ a blackeye. Then he's out the door. Gina is sent home shortly after.

Corey then proceeds to flip the hell out! She starts tearing everything within reach apart. It takes all of the boys combined to get her under control (damn, speed makes you strong!). Deb insists that she be the one to help Corey (interesting choice there), so they head to the ladies room to cool down. They do abit of bonding. (We're not so different after all. Mmhmm.) After Corey has calmed down a good bit it's her turn to try and fix Deb. So she invites all of the employees (except Gina) to a mock funeral for Deb. They want to show her that if she did kill herself, she would be greatly missed. It's very sweet but kind of emo really. But I guess it does the trick. (We also learn that Joe is sorta Lucas' foster dad? Or something. It's vague. But it kind of explains why Joe didn't have him arrested.) Plus Gina comes back and hears Corey saying nice things about her, so they makeup. So they're all in the back (except Mark who had to cover the register during the funeral) trying to figure out how to save the store and keep Lucas from going to jail. (Yup. They're screwed.)  Then they hear a gunshot from the storefront! Warren's back and he's got a gun! He's super pissed that Joe had him arrested and not Lucas. I guess Empire Records only hires nutjobs! Does this mean he gets a job there now too? Also his name isn't effing Warren!!!! The cops are called, again, but this time he's got a job waiting for him when he gets out.

Oh and Mark has an idea! (Holy crap, he has an idea!) He runs out front where a news crew is reporting live and announces that Empire Records is having a Damn the Man rave. Come one, come all, at midnight. Donations to save the store are welcome! If you announce free beer on tv, they will come. In droves apparently. Everyone donates and drinks freely. Berko (and his ever present guitar) is finally put to good use. He, his band, and Gina get on the roof and perform for the huge cheering crowd below. The nine thousand  dollars that Lucas spent is quickly made back, and then some. Mitchell has come to see what the hell is happening at his store. Joe tells him that he's quitting, and as soon as Empire Records is a Music Town (boo!hiss!) that he's going to open his own record store. And put Mitchell out of business. Mitchell takes one look around at the absolute anarchy around him and makes Joe an offer he can't refuse. He'll sell him Empire Records, for cheap. Real cheap.

Oh and by the way. Corey and AJ totally end up together. Yay! I love happy endings! So there you have a very fine example of mid-90's movie awesomeness.