I have just watched what is probably the weirdest movie I've seen to date. It's called Love Exposure. Ok, how do I explain what its about without weirding anyone out? Hmmm. There isn't any way to do it. So prudes beware!
I should start by telling you this is a Japanese movie, therefore its subtitled, anyway this story is about a boy. Yu had a normal life until his mother died. Then his father becomes a priest, gets a girlfriend (secretly of course), and is then he dumped and goes alittle bananas. Now dad is obsessed with sin. More to the point he's obsessed with Yu's sin. So poor Yu starts making up sins to confess... but his dad can see right through him. So now Yu decides the best course of action is to actually start doing bad things, so he'll have something to tell his dad. (Cause that's totally normal, right?) He makes friends with some local hoodlums and he starts a life of petty crime. His friends then take him to the Head Pervert to teach him 'the way'. (Oy vey.) The way meaning taking up-skirt photos. Well it turns out Yu's really good. Thing is, it doesn't really do anything for Yu but it really pisses off his dad, so he keeps it up. And that's how he gains the attention of a cult aka the Zero Church. (Yup, this movie just keeps getting weirder.) Then Yu meets the girl of his dreams, Yoko, she's a man-hater but she's Catholic and reminds him of the Virgin Mary. (Sigh.) Did I mention that when he meets her he's in drag? Yeah, cause he is. She thinks he's a girl and falls for "Miss Scorpion". Also dad and his ex get back together and guess what? Ex-girlfriend has adopted a daughter... Yoko. Now they live together. Poor Yu, how does he tell the girl that he loves who's his pseudo-sister that he's her lady-crush?
So remember the cult? Yeah, one nutbar member (Keiko) tells Yoko that shes Ms Scorpion so that she can convert her. Now Yu's love/sorta sister is in a lesbian relationship with a fake Ms Scorpion. In the meantime Yu has become famous among perverts and is sorta famous. And thats about when Keiko outs him as a pervert. She exposes his photos to the whole school and his family. Everyone turns on him, except his dirtbag friends. (At least they're loyal.) His whole family joins the cult. Yu does the only thing he can think of. He kidnaps Yoko. (To save her!) Where he keeps her in a broke down bus on the beach. (For some reason.) The cult finds them. They threaten to cut off his manly bits if he doesn't convert..... He converts. Or does he? Nope. He's just trying to take down the cult from within. But when that doesn't work, he does what anybody would do. He puts on his Ms Scorpion costume and goes on a murderous rampage killing people left and right, trying to find Yoko. (I know. I was as surprised as you are.) When he finds her (and the rest of his family) she's not too keen on going with him. So he blows part of the building up to bring the cops in. Who then arrest him for killing all of those people. (Yeaaa.) But brightside: the cult is shutdown! And Yoko is sent to live with some nice normal relatives. Downside? Yu is put in an asylum. Where he thinks he's Ms Scorpion. (Really.) While staying with normal folks Yoko makes some startling realizations. (Yu was Ms Scorpion! He saved her from a cult! Twice!) So she goes to see him. Ms Scorpion has no idea who Yoko is. So Yoko takes Yu's tactic. Screaming, crying, and assault. She locks out the nursing staff and shakes Yu trying to remind him of who he is and who she is. Ms Scorpion thinks this bitch is cah-razy! The police arrive, kick down the door, and pull her away. (Hmmm dejavu?) In the scuffle Yoko drops her compact beside Yu's bed. He looks down.. and can see up his own (hospital gown) skirt. (WTF? I am a man?) Then he remembers everything, runs out of the hospital (chased by everyone) and chases after Yoko (who's in the back of a police car). She all but strangles the cop driving to get him to stop. Then Yu busts the window out with his elbow. (Really? Just try the door.) Takes Yoko's hand and... the credits roll.
No. Seriously. It's a real movie. I couldn't make this up if I tried. Also I just saved you four hours. Yeah, four hours. You're welcome. Unless you're like me... I kinda liked it. That may say something about me.
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