Green Street Hooligans

This is the only time I can possibly write this and mean it. Elijah Wood is a badass. At least he is in Green Street Hooligans. Charlie Hunnam is a badass too (and sooo effing foxy btw), but you probably already know that. That is if you watch Sons of Anarchy. (Which you should if you don't!) Anyway it goes like this. Elijah plays Matt Buckner, who's just been expelled from Harvard's journalism program for the possession of cocaine (not his!). It's actually his douchey roomate Van Holden's but the kid's parents are powerful people who could cause Matt all kinds of trouble. So Matt's given $10,000 as hush money and is sent on his way. Not knowing what else to do, he goes to see his older sister and her husband in London. Once there... he really doesn't have much to do. His sister is taking care of her toddler and her husband Steve is working all of the time. But Steve comes up with a solution, his younger brother Pete (Charlie Hunnam) can hangout with Matt. Steve thinks it'll be great for Pete to take Matt to see West Ham play, Pete is not a fan of this idea but finally after a lot of talk (money!) he's convinced. Steve gives Matt the money for the football tickets and tells him to hold onto the cash (do not give it to Pete!). (Hmmm. Thanks bro.) As soon as they're around the corner Pete tells Matt he'll split the money with him, but he doesn't think it'd be a good idea for Matt to go to the game with him. Why not? Pete's friends are not real keen on new people. Matt won't budge, he promised Steve he'd see the game and (more importantly) he wouldn't give the money to Pete. Realizing he's not going to get the money unless he pounds Matt into the ground (his brother would not like that!), he gives in and takes Matt to the pub to meet the boys. They have a few beers then head to the stadium to see the match. (We also find out that their fight song is Tiny Bubbles. Yeah.) Pete's friends are the type of guys that most people hate when they go to games. The loud, obnoxious, want to start something with any and everyone routing for the other team assholes. (But, you know, in a lovable sort of way. Kind of.) After the game Matt decided to head home and let Pete and his friends hangout on their own. While in an isolated spot a couple of Birmingham fans jump him. It seems that during the game Pete's friend Bower was giving these guys alot of crap and since they saw Matt with Bower they assume he's one of "them". They're just about to give him the Chelsea Grin (think the Joker in The Dark Knight) when a few of the GSE (aka the Green Street Elite) arrive. Mostly it's Pete and a few of his friends, they're doing pretty well until more of the Birmingham guys show up. They just have to hold their own until Bower and the rest of the GSE make it to the party. It's a hell of a fight! Once the rest of the guys show they chase Birmingham off. Everyone decides Matt did pretty well considering it's his first fight, like, ever and make him an honorary member. So now we begin to learn about the GSE. See every football team in Europe has a "firm", its basically an overly zealous fanclub with a dab of gang thrown in. The GSE's sworn nemesis is Millwall's firm led by Tommy Hatcher. Back in the day Hatcher brought his 12 year old son to a fight and the kid got killed. He blames the GSE and the Major (GSE's former leader).

Bower is still not on the 'Matt is Awesome' bandwagon that the rest of the GSE seem to be on and he especially doesn't like how much time his best mate Pete is spending with the Yank. As far as Bower concerned Matt is a tool who needs to head back to the States, like pronto. But after a few fights with other firms where Matt proves that he has the GSE boy's backs, Bower's opinion begins to change. Maybe the Yank's not so bad after all. That is until another member of the GSE sees Matt head into The Times and makes the assumption that he's a reporter, he tells Bower about it and needless to say he's pissed. (Actually Matt's  meeting his dad, who is a reporter, for lunch.) Steve hears about it and heads to the pub to confront Matt before anyone else can. When Steve is spotted the whole pub welcomes him back, it's been a long time since then Major's been in the Abbey pub. Bower head to Pete's place looking for Matt, he tells Pete about what he's found out about Matt, and what he is going to do about it. Pete doesn't believe it at first, he warns Bower that he better be right, but when they find Matt's journal it doesn't look good. He's kept record of everything that's happened. Everything. Back at the pub the Major is telling Matt about his time in the GSE, about the last match he went to. Millwall vs West Ham United ten years before. How he left it all behind him after he saw Hatcher's son die in that fight. That he didn't know what to do with himself until he met Shannon (Matt's sister). But she swore to him if he ever went back to the GSE she'd leave him and take Baby Ben with her. (That's a little foreboding don't you think?)

It's right about then that Pete and the boys arrive. They toss poor little Matt around the pub like a ragdoll, Steve has to step in to stop it. (He's a journo! Are you sure? What?! He was writing about us! It was a diary! .....! ) What to do? The up-coming game vs Millwall is the biggest thing that's happened to the GSE in years, they can't risk something messing that up. Bower wants Steve to make the call to beat the snot out of Matt and toss him out. Steve says it's Pete's call, he's head of the GSE now not him. Pete says to leave off of Matt but Bower is not ok with this decision. (Fuck the GSE then!) Bower tears ass down to Millwall. He tells Hatcher that the Yank's an undercover journo, that he's got the rest of the firm eating out of the palm of his hand and that they're all down at the pub having a laugh. Well what's that got to do with Hatcher? The Major's there too. (Dun dun duunnnn!) The Millwall boys have come to the Abbey pub to play. And they've brought cocktails. Molotov cocktails. After a heated (Heh. Fire.) fight Pete, Bower and Matt have to rush Steve to the hospital, he's in bad shape. Wifey gets to the hospital awhile later, has a hissy fit on Pete, then goes to see Steve. The doctor's say he's going to be ok but it's going to take some time to heal... oh and yeah she's leaving. (What the hell! I'd like to state for the record I can't stand her! The only character I truely hate in the movie. Even the bad guys aren't as loathsome to me as she is.) Pete has a little talking to with the boys, they need to meet the Millwall firm and have it out once and for all. Tomorrow. Matt is amped! Let's do this! Yeah!..... Then Pete tells him to go with his sister, that it isn't his fight. Go. Home.

Show down at the wharf. Matt hauls ass to make it, there is noway he's going to stand idly by while his friends go to war. Whether they want him there or not, he's got their backs. (I won't lie to you, I cried like a bitch here. I blame the song that plays. Partly anyway.) Despite being tossed out of the GSE for betraying them Bower makes it to the fight, joins in and tries to help Pete the best he can. Hatcher took a crowbar to him and he's not doing to well. At that moment Shannon drives up, she apparently was paying attention when they were talking about the up-coming fight. Matt wants to put Pete in the car, but Pete wants her out of there. Hatcher would kill her or Baby Ben if he got the chance. Of course Hatcher then spots her and sends one of his boys to get her. Matt has to protect her but he's not doing too hot. Pete tells Bower if he wants to make up for what he's done, he has to get his brother's family out of here. Take them to safety. Hatcher sees that his moment for revenge is closing fast so he heads for Shannon, Pete (who's badly hurt) calls out to him. "Don't you want to finish me off?" Starts talking about his son, anything he can do to distract him, anything so that they can get away. So damn good! The last scene is awesome. Van Holden is in a very posh hotel meeting with other yuppie types when he steps to the bathroom. Guess who also heads to the bathroom? Matt gets Van Holden to admit that the cocaine was his all along, then he plays him the recording of him saying it back. Van Holden tries to take the tape but Matt shoves him into the wall. As he stands over him, fist raised to smash his face in, Matt smiles. And drops Van Holden to the floor. As he walks away from the hotel he begins to sing. "I'm forever blowing bubbles. Pretty bubbles in the air. They fly so high, nearly reach the sky. And like my dreams they fade and die...." So yeah. This is the only time I will call Elijah Wood a badass. Probably ever. Some may say he was kind of badass as Frodo. I would laugh (hysterically!) but, eh, to each their own.

Night of the Creeps

This blog is called Awesome and Awesomely Bad Movies for a reason, so here you go, an awesomely bad movie. It's one of those movies that's so bad its good. Well, entertaining at least. Night of the Creeps' story begins with aliens (yes aliens) running through a ship, one is carry a metal rube about the same size as he is. The others are chasing the first, shooting at it. He runs to a hatch and ejects the tube from the ship. Now it's 1959 on sorority row, Pam and new boyfriend Johnny head to the Point to spend alittle time together. While there, a police officer (Pam's old boyfriend) comes along and tells them to move it. There's an escaped lunatic on the loose. (Bah. What does he know?) Then (hey look!) they see a meteor go over head and Johnny wants to find where it landed, so they head off into the woods to find it. Johnny goes off by himself leaving Pam in the car all on her own. Sitting there alone listening to the radio, she hears the breaking news. A madman has broken out of the local asylum, killing four people with an axe and he's thought to be headed towards Corman College down Route 66. Hmmm. Pam turns on the headlights. (Oh look a road sign!) Guess who's on Route 66 and Corman College is only 3 miles away? (Pam is!) Now where the hell is Johnny? He's found the "meteor", (it's actually the metal tube we saw earlier in the alien's ship, duh.) and there's something coming out of it. Whatever it is, it dives down his throat. Meanwhile Pam's still in the car and she's freaking out. Rightly so. There's a nutjob with a axe coming up behind her.

Cut to the present (well, at the time, 1986) it's rush week,  JC and Chris are looking for something to do. That's when Chris spots his dream girl (in classic 80's movie style everything slows down), but then she heads into the Beta House. (Oh noes!) Chris hates the Betas. They follow her in regardless. JC approaches her on behalf of Chris, to find out what he can (her name's Cindy and she has a boyfriend) before the brickhead she was talking to comes back. He uses his disability as an out (to keep from having his face pounded in), JC leaves a few details out when he relays his gathered information to his BFF  (like the boyfriend part). Chris determines the only way to get Cindy is to become a Beta. (Abit of a leap, yes?) The head of the Beta House (aka Brad the Boyfriend) says he'll let them in if they collect a cadaver and leave it on the steps of the Gamma House. So our heroes head to the university's med center, (obviously the best place to steal a corpse) there they find a electronically locked door. Wonder what's in there? Why it's a frozen dead guy! Whoo! Problem solved. So JC opens the freezer and out pops the corpse-sicle. Holy crap his eyes opened! And then they run like hell! The labtech goes into investigate and the dead guy offs him.

We see an older guy sitting on the beach, next he's in uniform watching the nutjob (from earlier) whacking the hell outta Pam with an axe. The nutcase turns and he's a walking carcass. The detective Cameron jerks awake when the phone rings, he's called to the scene on campus. There were two bodies, now there's only one. How did that happen? No ones really sure. The dead guy is out wandering the streets and he's found his way to the sorority house. He scares the living crap out of Pam, then his head splits open and out pours a bunch a slugs. (Slither anyone?) And just like that he's just another dead body lying on the Kappa's front steps. The Betas think JC and Chris put him there and they're pretty pissed. Brad shows his true jerkface colors and trips JC in front of Cindy, so she dumps him on the spot. It's about then that the police pick the boys up. The night janitor recognized them, called them out for running away from the lab "screaming like banshees". But they were empty handed, not toting a dead guy, so clearly they didn't dump the body. So who did? This week just gets better and better for our dear Detective. He's called to yet another scene on campus, the labtech's body was found and it wasn't in the morgue where the police had left him. All of this weirdness is seriously freaking Cindy out, she needs to talk to someone. Should she talk to one of her friends? Nah. She'll talk to JC and Chris, who she's known all of 15 minutes. Being the best friend a guy could hope for JC sees this as an opportunity for Chris and Cindy to spend a little alone time together. So while they're taking a stroll around the quad, he ducks out to use the little boys room. Cindy then tells Chris about the body coming to her window, how she didn't tell the cops because she was sure they would think she was crazy. Poor Chris, he's just realized his dream girl is a total nutbar. (Eh. Whatever. She's still hot. Right Chris?)

A very zombiefied janitor shambles into the mens' room while JC sits scribbling graffiti on the stall wall (behind his head someone's written STRYPER RULES, which totally made my day) when he hears a strange noise. He opens the door to see what it was. There's a dead man lying on the floor with his head split open, no big deal. Wait a minute! Holy balls! Dead man! Creepy slug things coming out of his head! (Which apparently are highly flammable.) One of those things go up JC's pant leg, while he's crawling for all he's worth (at some point he lost his crutches) but there's an alien slug just in front of him! Then we're back with Cindy and Chris she asks him to go to the formal with her, nevermind her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend (?) Brad the Beta (I'm sure he won't be an issue). Chris is on cloud nine until he turns around and realizes that Cameron has been following him this whole time. They head back to his office. It's sharing time. Hey, kid, did I ever tell you about the time that I found my murdered ex-girlfriend? Cameron was still a rookie when he found her hacked to pieces and went (crazy!) on the hunt to find whoever did it. He tracked the guy down on his off hours, shot him in the chest with his shotgun, then put his body in a couple of garbage bags and buried him. In a vacant lot. Right behind the Kappa sorority house. (Ah, memories) See it's not a vacant lot anymore, its the sorority's house mother's cottage.

Holy crap there's something coming through the floor of the house mother's cottage! It's a dead maniac with an axe! (Good job burying him with is weapon of choice, Detective.) The poor house mother, she seemed like such a sweet old lady. The search is on! There's a psychopath on the loose. Even worse he's a zombie! A pair of uniforms track him to a dead end street. They call for immediate back up, Detective Cameron and a number of others draw down on him but he won't drop his weapon. They shoot the shit out of him. Cameron takes the final shot, blows his head clear off. No one bothers to shoot the slugs that fall from his head. The next day all seems right again. No more dead people walking around and the zombie axeman is gone. Chris needs to get ready for his date! Oh, has anyone seen JC? He didn't come home last night. Hmmm. Whats this? A note that says listen with an arrow pointing to a tape recorder sitting right on my desk? Could this be a clue? It's JC! Man, he sounds terrible. He tells Chris that one of things has gotten inside of him, that he can feel it in his brain and that he no longer has a pulse (he can walk now on his own, that's a plus right!). Then he tells him about killing one with a lit match. He says good bye then, he's going to throw himself into the furnace in the basement because he knows that the heat will kill them. Chris hauls ass down to the furnace room. JC didn't quite make it into the furnace but (luckily) the floor close to the furnace was hot enough to do the job. (This is so not what Chris needed just before the formal!) Time to talk to Cameron. They head to the station to pick up a flamethrower. (That's normal right?) Oh good, and now there's a busload of dead guys recently zombifed, thanks  to an evil alien-infected dog. Looks like it's all of the Betas, including Brad, and  they've come to pick up the Kappas for the formal. "I've good news and bad news, girls. The good news is, your dates are here." "What's the bad news?" "They're dead." Cindy has the flamethrower for some reason now, but she knows how to use it. (That's lucky!) Now the only remaining slugs are in the basement with one of the girl's science project. I'm not really sure what her project was but the slugs really like it. Cameron beats them to the basement, he's down there was a full gas can and a bad attitude. He's going to burn that mother down! Chris and Cindy better get the hells out of there! You think that's the end? Well, yeah sorta. But not really. We see a deep fried Cameron walking away from the flames... he's headed to the local loony bin. And wouldn't you know it, his head splits open and out pops a bunch of slugs! Oh. And the aliens come back. They have a giant search light, it seems they're looking for something.  The End.

This is definitely a movie to watch when you want to have a bad horror movie night. Or when you're just feeling kind of retro. It kinda has that 1950's scifi flick feel. Either way (in my opinion) it's a movie totally worth watching. Even if it's just a one time deal.

Pride and Prejudice

   Oh yeah. Zombie movies to Jane Austen, that's just how I roll. I cannot wait to see the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies movie when it comes out! But right now I'm talking about the best adaptation of Pride And Prejudice there is. Two words to convince you: Colin Firth. Pride and Prejudice is as close to the novel you can get.

Elizabeth Bennet wants nothing more then for her family to be happy. She wants to see her sisters happily married, and well settled. With her family's estate entailed to her only male cousin the Bennet sisters must marry or they will be out on the street when their father passes. So when Mr. Bingley and his party arrive in the neighborhood it seems heaven-sent. The first meeting does not go too well for Elizabeth, she overhears Bingley's proud friend Mr. Darcy say some uncomplimentary things about her. So when Mr. Wickham arrives in town with stories of Darcy's bad dealings, she is inclined to believe them. Bingley and Jane become closer, and everyone in the Bennet household hopes for their marriage. Darcy hears some of these rumors himself and he's very put off by them. His friend could do far better then a little country girl. He tells Bingley that Jane doesn't truly love him, she simply enjoys his company but has no feelings beyond that for him. Bingley takes his friends advice, believing Darcy is far more adept at reading people. It's not long after that Bingley finds  reason to back to London.  As time passes Darcy sees more and more in Elizabeth and he finds that he's drawn to her despite himself. When he finally declares himself to her, it goes very badly. He tells her that he loves her in spite of her family and her low connections, that it goes against every instinct inside of him but he loves her nonetheless. (He's a real romantic, isn't he?) She tells him where he can stick his marriage proposal, that she wouldn't marry him if he was the last man on Earth. He is completely astonished. She tells him she knows all about his unfair treatment of Mr. Wickham and  how he broke up Bingley and Jane and ruined her sister's only chance at happiness.

Darcy cannot leave these charges unanswered, he does what any gentleman would do. He writes her a letter. He tells her everything. That the senior Mr. Darcy had planned for Wickham to join the church but he had no inclination to do so, instead wanted money. So Darcy gave him the amount it would've cost to send him to the seminary, and told him he wished to have no more to do with him. But that unfortunately was not the last time they would have to face each other. Wickham tried to seduce and elope with Darcy's little sister as a way to exact a sort of revenge on Darcy and get to her inheritance. Luckily he found Wickham out before he could get away with it. As for Jane and Bingley he did think it the best thing. He watched Jane closely when he determined Bingley cared for her, but couldn't see any real affection there. Elizabeth doesn't know what to believe anymore. To take her mind off of everything she goes with her Aunt and Uncle on a tour of the lakes and accidentally finds herself at Darcy's home. His estate was on the route and his Aunt wanted to see it. When he comes home early, he's down right pleasant. Strangely so. He's even nice to her family, the very family that he looked down on before. Elizabeth begins to see him in another light. It's then she gets a letter from her family back home, it seems Mr. Wickham has eloped with Lydia (Elizabeth's youngest sister)! That cad! That bounder! That lech! She's only 15!

Mr. Darcy takes off! (Oh no.) She finally begins to care for him and her family goes and proves every negative thing he thought of them. Her sister will ruin the entire family's reputation and Darcy couldn't be seen with a girl from a fallen family. Her father and uncle go into Town searching for them,  it's really beginning to look like they aren't going to marry. They may never have intended to marry at all! (The scandal!) No wait...They are found! Wickham's debts are paid off and he agrees to marry Lydia. Huzzah! But how? They were so sure he wouldn't marry her. How did they convince him? Then Lydia drops a bombshell, Mr. Darcy was at her and Wickham's wedding.  After much wheedling Elizabeth gets her Aunt to tell her what really happened.  Darcy came to them and insisted that he be allowed to pay off Wickham's debts. It's the only way his conscience will forgive him, he believes it's his fault that Wickham chose Lydia. On top of that, Darcy's talked Bingley into coming back to the neighborhood... and told him the truth about Jane's true feelings. Elizabeth is deeply grateful. It isn't long before Bingley and Jane are engaged.

Elizabeth has fallen entirely in love with Darcy. But she doesn't see anyway it can work out. She has already turned down his marriage offer, he couldn't possibly offer again. (Could he?) It's only after Darcy's aunt shows up on her door that she begins to hope he still cares. His aunt (De Burgh) had always planned for him to marry her daughter Anne but she has heard a very disturbing rumor. It seems he plans to ask for Elizabeth's hand, De Burgh wants her word that she will not accept. Promise you won't marry him! Elizabeth tells her in no uncertain terms that if Darcy were to ask her, she would accept him and be the happiest woman in all of Creation! De Burgh leaves quite ticked off. Next thing you know Darcy's back in the neighborhood himself. He and Bingley arrive at the Bennet's doorstep, and ask the ladies inside to go for a walk. Once out and about Darcy's plucks up the courage to ask again. He heard from his aunt De Burgh that Eliazbeth would not make her that promise to not marry him. It has given him hope. Would she do him the great honor of being his wife? (Well duh!) Elizabeth and Darcy's story is one of the greatest love stories ever told. It's all about moving past misconceptions, overcoming pride, and finding love where you aren't looking for it.

I know that I'm not really doing justice to this book or movie. But I hope that you'll give it a chance if you haven't already. It's a classic for a reason people! Even just writing about it, I get so immersed in the story that I pick up the speech patterns. If that isn't proof of how engrossing it is, I don't what will convince you.

Christine

  I already posted this on my other blog Geek Girl Mutterings, but I think I'll put it here too. I personally love when Stephen King's books are made into movies. No matter how bad they are. I love them.

This is one of my favorite car movies ever. Not my all time fave but it's probably top 5.  Christine (Special Edition)  It's a love story really, about a boy and his car. His psychotic killer car. For those of you who don't know it's based on Christine (Signet) by Stephen King. (Though really, who doesn't know that?) Our hero Arnie is a geek who apparently has only one friend named Dennis. Anyway Arnie is bullied in shop class, but as it happens, today a teacher catches it in action. The bully Buddy (oh the irony) gets caught with a switchblade on school property and is expelled. Needless to say he's pissed! He  vows to make Arnie's life as miserable as possible. (Hmm. Plot point?) Later that day as Dennis is driving him home, Arnie spots a beat up wreck by side of the road. It's a total piece. But Arnie sees nothing but potential. He asks the creepy owner about it, he's told (creepily) that the car is a Plymouth Fury. And that she has a name. Christine. Arnie buys Christine on the spot. (Really with a sales pitch like that? Who wouldn't?) When he gets Christine home he catches hell from his parents. How dare he buy a car with his own money?! Outrageous! He does the unthinkable, for the first time ever Arnie stands up for himself. He's keeping her whether they like or not. So there! They tell him he's not keeping that bucket on their lawn, so he takes it to a junkyard garage to store it. Then with blood, sweat, and tears Arnie restores Christine to her former glory. Which, somehow, makes him way less nerdy. Which leads to Arnie getting a lady, Leigh Cabot, the new girl and total babe. After dating a bit Leigh tells Arnie that she doesn't like his car, that it gives her the creeps. (Gasp.) While at the drive-in. In a storm. Sitting in Christine. (Clearly she doesn't have the best timing.) Suddenly the windshield wipers get stuck, he jumps out to fix them, the radio turns itself on, Leigh begins to choke on her hamburger, and the doors have locked. Arnie tries to get in but its no use. Luckily Leigh manages to get her door open and a Heimlic maneuver from a stranger. She blames the car. Says she's not riding in Christine anymore. Ever.( I mean the radio only plays old songs. How weird is that Arnie?) After Arnie leaves Christine at the garage Buddy the Bully and his group of hood friends sneak in and DESTROY her. With crowbars, knives, screwdrivers, bats... well you get the idea. It's hard to watch. When Arnie sees her its so sad. Leigh however doesn't seem too broken up about it IMHO and Arnie agrees. He loses it on her. Tells her that this is what she wanted! To get rid of Christine! (He gets very emo there.) He tells all the haters that he WILL fix Christine and all will be right with the world again. "Whoa, whoa. You better watch what you say about my car. She's real sensitive."
So down to the garage he goes. There while assuring Christine that he'll fix her no matter what, he hears a strange sound. The mangled engine rights itself. Instead of calling for a young priest and an old priest Arnie simply says "Ok... Show me." Christine pop 'n' locks herself to a like new condition. And then its time for revenge.( Ah, yeah, the murderous rampage begins.) Finally its time for Christine to seek and destroy. She chases one kid all over hell's half acre, she could have caught him at any moment but she enjoyed the chase too much. She crushes him against a wall when she's done playing with him. Next she burns down a gas station with two baddies inside, then runs Buddy down as he tries to escape the burning building. Leigh and Dennis have noticed a change in Arnie, and they're not too pleased with it. They decide the only way to save him is to destroy Christine. With a bulldozer (which luckily Dennis knows how to hotwire and drive!). Time for the show down:  Dennis in the bulldozer vs Arnie in Christine. It doesn't end well for Arnie, I'm afraid, he's thrown through Christine's windshield and impaled by a shard of glass. With his last bit of strength, he reaches out and strokes Christine's grille. (Her headlights shutting off was enough to make ya cry.) Remembering that those damn kids were the reason Arnie was dead, she goes after them again. They use the bulldozer to crush her, the whole time Christine's radio is playing 'Rock and Roll Will Never Die'. Cut to Leigh and Dennis (and a cop I didn't mention) looking at a large metal cube in the junkyard. Zoom in on her grille starting to fix itself. The End.

Mhmmm. This movie is the reason my best friend's car is named Christine. I just pray that her Christine never views me as a threat.... If I'm ever in a hit and run scenario, you'll know what happened.

My Boyfriend's Back

  I think I'll stick with zombie movies for the moment. My Boyfriend's Back is about a kid named Johnny Dingle who's been in love with Missy McCloud forever. But he's never had the nerve to tell her. One night Johnny comes up with a plan to fake a robbery at the convenience store where she works and pretend to save Missy's life. Well while he's waiting for his best friend Eddie to hold the place up a real bad guy comes in to rob the store. Johnny doesn't realize it isn't Eddie, so he tries to stop the him. No such luck. Missy runs to Johnny's side as he lays bleeding to death he finally asks her out. Would she go to the prom with him? Well yeah, he just took a bullet for her. But well, now he's dead. (How's that fair?) Later after a lovely funeral service Johnny comes crawling out of his grave. His parents do take his return from the dead remarkably well. Nah, he's not really dead. Sure he's a little paler but hey, who needs a tan? It's only after he sees the bullet hole in his chest that he realizes he's actually undead. Huh. And now Missy doesn't want to go to the prom with him. I mean, he came back from the dead to make this date! Fine. If she doesn't want to go to the prom, how about a movie? What does he take her to see on their date, you ask? To see Die Zombie Die. (Nothing says romance like a zombie taking his dream girl to see a zombie movie.) Which totally seems to work, if the make out scene that follows is any indication. There's just something about you now Johnny. (It must be the whole not having a  pulse thing. It's a huge turn on these days.) Until his ear comes off as she's nibbling it.

You see, Johnny's decaying. Alot. He goes to see Maggie Bensen, who's husband (according to rumor) came back from the dead 15 years ago. Johnny tells her he's worried about making it to prom night. She tells him the only way to stay undead instead of just dead is to, well, eat the flesh of the living. "What kind of friggin' nut are you? Telling me to go out and eat people!" Luckily for Johnny, the matter of killing someone is sorta handled for him. See, Buck (Missy's boyfriend) found out about her date with the dead kid, now he and his BFF Chuck want Johnny dead...um deader. Dead again. Whatever. Chuck's chasing Johnny wielding an axe, when whoops... Now there's a nice freshly dead kid at Johnny's feet. And Johnny's pretty hungry. When his very understanding parents find out about his new dietary quirk, mom picks up something special at the super market. Namely alittle boy. (I hope my mom is that thoughtful if I become part of the walking dead.) When Chuck's father shows up brandishing a rifle, Johnny takes the kid and hides. Mr. Dingle lets him in (such a trusting man), and when Johnny comes out thinking it's all clear, he's shot several times. When that doesn't work Big Chuck pulls out his lighter. That's when Mrs. Dingle whips out her shotgun. (Nobody sets her son on fire.) Btw. The little boy? He comes wandering out. Yeah that's Little Chuck, dead Chuck's baby brother. (Mom sure knows how to pick 'em.) Big Chuck takes his leave with Little Chuck in tow, Johnny's not eating his only surviving son! Now Johnny needs to talk to Missy, he didn't eat Chuck because he wanted to. He did it for her! He loves her. So will she please go to the prom with him? Next thing ya know, she's making out with the dead kid in public. Now that's just too much for Sheriff McCloud (Missy's dad)! She is not going to the prom with the dead kid! She's going with Buck! Not if Johnny can help it. He comes to sweep her off her feet, but while embracing all he wants to do is eat her.

Being chased by an angry mob is no fun, Johnny can tell you all about that. Chased into the cemetery by Big Chuck and crew he's about to made into a zombie barbeque. Then the gravedigger has a heart to heart with the crowd, talking them into leaving him be. He's dying anyway, just let him have his one last dance with Missy. So after a police escort they finally make it to the prom. Half way through their dance Johnny collapses. Next thing he knows he's waking up in.... purgatory? He's four days late for judgement! It seems there was a mistake. He wasn't actually supposed to die in the convenience store. The robber was actually supposed to knock over a coffee pot and slip in the coffee. He gets a re-do! Yay! So no this isn't your average zombie movie. It's a comedy and it very low on gore. But it is funny, in a goofy way. It also has a number of famous people in it. Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays Chuck, Matthew Fox plays Buck, Cloris Leachman plays Maggie and Matthew McConaughey is in for half a second. What can I say? I like offbeat movies.

Fido

  Riding high on my first post, I've decided to post another. Whooo. I'm on fire! This movie is one of my top ten favorite zombie movies. I'm talking about Fido! This takes place in a world where zombies are still very dangerous but can be very useful. See inside these fenced cities (where its safe) you can get zombies with remote control collars to be cheap help. Need a butler? Get a zombie. Need a gardener? Get a zombie! Need a girlfriend? Get a zombie... well at least in one character's case. In this wonderfully 50's-esque world Timmy has always wanted a dog, but he's never had one. Helen (Timmy's mom) has wanted a zombie for quite awhile but hubby (Bill) doesn't like the idea. As a veteran of the Zombie Wars he's leery of the undead. But Helen goes out and gets one anyway, I mean all the neighbors have zombies! Timmy is sad it's not a puppy but he will take what he can get, so he names his new best friend Fido.

One day Timmy takes Fido to the park, while playing catch Fido's collar (which controls the zombie's cravings for flesh) malfunctions. Not good. Fido attacks one of Timmy's neighbors. She was a unpleasant old lady so, eh, whatever. Then the collar snaps back to work and Fido's a good little zombie again. What should Timmy do? Tell an adult? Tell Zomcom (the company that polices the zombies)? They'd only take Fido away. Really, she was old and mean and bound to die sooner or later. So he does what he has to do, he hides the body. Two bullies suspect Timmy's zombie so they capture them and take them to a deserted area. You see, these two have never liked Timmy and they're both batshit crazy. They plan to take Fido's collar off, wait till he's eaten Timmy then shoot him. Then tell everyone in town that they tried to save Timmy but it was too late. That's not exactly how it goes down. The two little jerks get turned into zombies and locked inside a shed. Unfortunately Timmy is tried up outside of that shed. Now those two zombified jerks are trying to get out and eat him and Fido is all thumbs. So Fido goes home to alert Helen to Timmy's peril. Which gives us the classic quote: Helen "Is Timmy in trouble?" Fido "Ehhhhhhhhh." That's just great writing there. Mom saves the day by running one down, then shooting the other over and over again. But they have to keep all of this secret.

Zomcom finds out because, well really Timmy is just a terrible liar. Fido is taken away. Timmy finds out from Zomcom's security chief 's daughter that Fido hasn't been put down but put to work inside a factory. So launches Timmy's rescue plan! With the aide of his neighbor who was the former security chief, they plan to break in get Fido and get out. Plans don't really go well in this movie. Timmy finds Fido but he's captured by the current security chief Mr. Bottoms and thrown into the "wild zone" where zombies run free and.... murder freely. Bill shows up to try and save Timmy but, well, he doesn't. Good try though. A for effort. He's killed by Bottoms who is in turn killed by Fido. Nobody messes with Fido's boy! In the end Helen, Timmy and Fido live in happy domestic bliss. Just remember: "In the brain and not the chest. Head shots are the very best."

Getting Started

  I've tried two times already to begin, each time I panicked about what to write about. Until about three hours ago when I started The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. Holy balls! This movie was insane! Do not, I repeat, do not miss this film! In case you've been living under a rock (like me) and haven't heard anything about it, let me share what I know. Firstly it's based on a book. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson. Which is now at the top of my to-do list, thank you very much. Our hero is Mikael, reporter extraordinaire, who's just been convicted of libel against a huge corporate executive. He has to serve 3 months in prison, but he has 6 months before he's locked up. He can't go back to his magazine, too many PR issues there. What to do? Then suddenly he's hired on to do a little sleuthing. That's where we meet Lisbeth, she works for a security company and she's been following him around. And hacking into his computer. Basically she's been inside his life without his knowledge. She finds him oddly interesting. Having gone through every part of his life she knows he's clean, but he's just taking the conviction. No appeals. Nothing. Back to Mikael, he working for Henrick Vanger trying to find out who murdered his niece Harriet 40 years before. No one's able to find anything, they're not even certain she's dead. Just gone without a trace. Technically she's only missing.

He goes through everything the police have on the case, goes through all of her things that Henrick still has, and he talks to everyone (still alive) that knew her. As he stares at a newspaper clipping of her in a crowd at a parade, things start clicking. Harriet's looking at someone in that photo! He finds more and more clues. But he doesn't really know how to use them. He hits a brick wall. That's when Lisbeth decides to be less of a lurker. She's been occasionally hacking into his computer and reading everything he has on Harriet. And she puts it together, at least part of it anyway. So she sends him an email (which was slightly condescending in tone but awesome) telling how to solve part of the puzzle. He tracks her down and asks her to help him, at first she's adamant that she won't but with a little sweet talk (money!)  he convinces her.  Together they discover ritual killings, Nazis, and possibly romance. But mostly killings. Lots and lots of killing. Obviously I'm leaving alot out but that's because I want you to watch and/or read this movie/book.
But as an added incentive I should tell you there's a revenge scene featuring Lisbeth. Damn! It's one of the most satisfying revenge sequences I've seen in AGES! You do not want to mess with this chick. Seriously. I won't lie, I had to watch it a few times. I cannot wait to see the next two installments of this trilogy. The sequel The Girl Who Played With Fire is out but I haven't had a chance to see it yet. Needless to say that will be high among my priorities. But until the third film comes out I'll have to wait patiently and read the novels.